welcome back.

we were here. we were waiting.

this never made sense til now.

"it's always in the last place you look for it."

It's not just the last place you'd think of.

It's the last place. Cause once you find it, you stop looking.

Ya know?

and sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

That was when I knew I was dreaming.

"I'm not running away. It's just... I don't know. It's all getting to be too much for me. I feel I'm out of my depth. I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid."

And if you do something stupid, what then?

"Aren't you scared of falling?"

It is sometimes a mistake to climb, it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt.

"What are you saying? That I ought to go back? Not walk out? Is that what you're saying? You're just a dream. Listen, I've made up my mind."

If you do not climb you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall? Sometimes you wake, and sometimes, yes, you die. But there is a third alternative.

"And that is?"

where's the guidebook?

I don't understand this place.

I feel like I'm playing Monopoly with no money, or Operation without a tweezers.

I'm playing Cluedo but no-one's been murdered.

I don't understand how to play. The rules have been changed, and it's not my game anymore. Everyone's looking at me like I'm an idiot, but I'm not. I just don't understand the rules here. The game isn't fun, it doesn't fit. There's so much pressure, because it's my turn. I'm meant to know how to do this, I'm meant to remember, but I don't.

I don't know how I got here.

I don't know why this happened.

I don't know where to go.

last chance.

SETTING: Clouds, blue sky, golden gate, Saint Peter.

Human: "But I didn't believe in Heaven, in any of this."

Saint: "It doesn't matter, whether or not you believed in this. It doesn't matter, whether or not you believed in us. Because child, we believed in you."

epic fail.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Boom.

goodnight moon.

i am exhausting everyone around me.

sorry.

I keep fucking one of my most important friendships up. I don't even think about it, I'll just say or do something stupid. And it's only afterwards I cop what I did. I don't ever mean to hurt her. Just something that seems like nothing at the time, but then I realise it was dickish. I'm so fucking annoyed at myself, because I don't think I can fix it this time. I tried apologizing, but it didn't work. I don't know what to do, but all I can say is I'm sorry, and try do better in the future. If you'll have me in it.

haahahahaaa.

this is great. this is what i like.

The up part.

Even though i know it's temporary.

It beats being down all the time.

Eu-fucking-phoric.

Everyone come be happy with me.